Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Guest Blog by Ron F*cking Swanson


Intentionally or not, Josh has become the first guest blogger with this epic, pictureless rant...



So I used to read Peter King's Monday morning QB article all the time, but I've discovered that not only is he a moron, but he insists on stretching 1 page worth of material into 6 pages. With that in mind here are my thoughts on this past weekend games a la Monday Morning QB.

1) Tom Coughlin - perhaps the biggest non-story of the weekend. Let me get this straight, your upset because your players might have gotten hurt while playing football? Tell ya what, next time your team is down at the end of a game, you go ahead and kneel on the ball to protect your players, and then we can have this conversation

Jeffs Comments: See it here. Honestly, I agree with Josh here. I was listening to Mike and Mike, and Golic pointed out that if you see the D-line setup in low, short yardage stances, and you are on the O-line...maybe you should get low too. Are you that oblivious that you cannot see they are lined up 6" off the ground like rabid dogs? Besides, I am a huge fan of Tom Coughlin face. If you don't know what I mean, it's this angry, surprised look mingled with a dose of ill-placed righteous indignation and a little taste of malice...see below. 

WAIT! WAIT! You're not going to just let us win? 


2) Refs, again - Made no difference. Yes the games def took longer, so what? Your telling me your Sunday is so busy and you have so many pressing issues that its really ruining your weekend.. then go watch soccer. 2 hours in and out guaranteed. All you monkeys flipping out about refs have officially forfeited the right to ever complain about a call when the other refs come back.

Jeffs Comments: Ok first off, you like soccer, so shift it down a gear pal. You even like women's soccer. And it's not just the time...PI versus illegal contact was big. Terrible spots, a general lack of control. On the plus side, I have been a fan of the replacement refs generally treating most players the same (i.e. no favoritism towards Tom Brady - that I have seen. I am sure there will be some on Sunday night - it's tradition).


3) Balance of Power - The AFC is stinking up the joint. There are six 0-2 teams in the league and 5 of them are in the AFC, the sole NFC team is the Saints which I'd take against any of the AFC 0-2 teams. To that end, my first bold prediction of the year is that Romeo Crennel doesn't last till week 9 at this rate. That team looked terrible and they have some talent.

Jeffs Comments: Past Crennel, maybe Munchak, and maybe the poor schmuck that got the Raiders job, I think no one else will get fired this season. THAT"S A LOCK. 

As for the 0-2 AFC teams - here is who they lost to: Falcons, Patriots, Vikings, Chargers, Eagles, Texans, Bengals and Bills. Now this isn't a list of the greatest teams in NFL history, but they are not too bad. Saints lost to both of my QBs - one a first year and one a second year. 

4) Football is back in D.C.! - Do you know how I know this? Because Josh Morgan got death threats for being a moron. Normally this type of incident would go unnoticed in D.C. as their team has been awful for a decade or so. That being said, they came up snake eyes in a big way losing Orakpo and Carriaker within 30 minutes of one another.

Jeffs Comments: Cortland Finegan is a pretty frustrating guy. I feel like if I ever met him, we would get in a fight. 

5) Thud! - Welcome back to reality JETS. So you beat up on the Bills and I have to listen to how your now a top 10 team and Sanchez in Joe Montana light and Rex Ryan is a genius... and then you go and get hammered by a Steelers team which I think is pretty mediocre this year. Welcome back to earth and let the Tebow countdown continue.

Jeffs Comments: Rex Ryan was smart enough to capitalize on the fact that he inherited a great defense at Baltimore, then steal half of those guys when he left to go to the Jets. I have not seen Tebow save any children from a burning building in a while, so bring it on. 

My Obligatory Eagles Thoughts

1) Draft grades - So it takes 3 years to evaluate a draft and all that but the Eagles have to be thrilled with their haul so far. Kendricks has been a monster all over the field, Cox is entrenched as the #2 DT and Boykins looks like he is tailor made to sit in the slot. Not to mention liking what you saw from Foles and while he made a bonehead play on Sunday, I still think Bryce Brown is the second best back on the team already.

2) Jordan..? You ain't even a Pippen - While most of the D looked great, Akeem "in a Dream" Jordan looked mediocre at best. He got trucked by blockers left and right and Pitta basically treated him like a rag-doll. He can thank his lucky stars that the rest of the team is playing well.

3) No more caveman - Tough to lose Kelce at center...but perhaps not crushing. No Dallas Reynolds doesn't provoke a ton of confidence but at least he has been here 3 years to know the whole playbook and Mudd's system seems to be able to use interchangeable pieces.

Jeffs Comments: Don't care about the Eagles. 


2 comments:

  1. in my defense, this started on the message board, hence no images! In the future i will add those to the mix.

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  2. it should be noted, I don't think these ref's are doing a good job. But I don't think the old ref's were much better and the fact that those bums are getting a 6 figure paycheck and refusing to go full time, eliminates any sympathy I have for them

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