Sunday, September 9, 2012

It's football day!

It's been a long offseason for all of us.

Work has been getting us down...

The weather has been shitty...


Baseball has not been helping...


Unless you are an O's fan, which I think we should all become from this point on...




BUT FRET NO LONGER....AS PETE DUNHAM AND FRODO WOULD SAY....



IT'S FOOTBALL DAY!!!!!!!


So yes I am up early on Sunday to write this blog post because I cannot contain my excitement. Also, my dog, a constant companion and cock blocker, decided to wake up early and go to town on himself in bed preventing any further sleep. 

So without further ado, I will attempt to deliver the promised Draft Grades for this year. Before I begin, I just thought I would share just how important the Al Davis award selection is to one Josh Kidd, our current league champion, and the champion of hearts for ever. 

Josh has spent a lot of time thinking about the Al Davis award...

Who was the worst pick? 

He has searched far and wide...

Maybe the people of this quaint Scottish fishing village can shed some light on who the worst pick was?


So in the end, I have made an executive decision to let the current league champion select the present Al Davis award winner. I did not tell Josh about this, but luckily for me he thought a lot about it himself...

Maybe if I sit in this field, in Jesus sandals, it will come to me...

Well it did. Josh has been campaigning for the Al Davis pick, and so with pleasure I announce that we have a repeat Al Davis award winner in Vinegar Strokes, with his Pick of Joel Dressen in the 11th. In my opinion, it was a pretty good year without any ridiculous picks, except maybe Janikowski in the 8th, but that was an autodraft, so it is exempt. 

So Vinegar Strokes, Josh has deemed you the winner and we all wish you and Joel the best of luck...

What do you mean "try not to look surprised"? 
"This is just my face."


Team Grades:


Dick Trickle: "One man's trash..."

QB - Adopted all of the broken battered QBs of last season as keepers
RB - A bunch of soft guys with big play/game upsideWR - He has a lot riding on Reggie Wayne and Greg Jennings
Best Keep - Peyton
Best Pick - Reggie Wayne in the 6thWorst Pick - SANTANA MOSS
Grade - C+


Vinegar Strokes: "In Drew we trust..."

QB - Love the QB picks here...Brees is Brees, and A. Smith could finally come of age
RB - Not much depth, and some injury concerns. I like FJax this year though. WR - Again, not much solid depth, but some good young guys
Best Keep - MJD at the bottom of the 2nd round is tempting, but it goes to Fjax
Best Pick - Vjax in the 4thWorst Pick - See Above
Grade - C

Arian Brotherhood: "Opposite ends of the spectrum" 

Sidebar: I just figured out this team name. Now it totally makes sense. Shust - Did you Google that or come up with it yourself?


QB - He took 3, and all I have to say is I hope Locker pays off. Ryan and Freeman are too mediocre
RB - Some solid young guys and some solid old guys, but Foster and Murray are the engine room hereWR - Again, Torrey Smith, the best 2nd year guy, and Steve Smith, the Father of Time. 
Best Keep - Meh. Its a toss up. 
Best Pick - DeMarco Murrary at 18th overallWorst Pick - Matty Ice in the 3rd Round
Grade - B-

SackedBySuggs: "Must know something we don't RE: WR" 


QB - Superstar and  Rookie - Safe strategy
RB - No big names, but lots of PPR potential in Sproles. Never trust the lawfirm...WR - Brandon Marshall before Andre Johnson, Greg Jennings, Hakeem Nicks, and Marques Colston
Best Keep - SF in the 15th
Best Pick - It pains me to say it, but Shonn Greene in the 7thWorst Pick - I am going out on a limb - Marshall in the 2nd
Grade - B







Cunning Linguists: "Autodraft - Roll out! " 


QB - I like the Stafford/Rapelisberger pair a lot
RB - sigh. its going to be a tough year at RBWR - Not a bad mix.  PPR guys and big play guys. 
Best Keep - Stafford in 11
Best Pick - Harvin in the 2nd* Worst Pick - Janikowski at all
Grade - D+ 


Buffalo Renaissance: "BEAST MODE" 


QB - Rivers and Romo - definitely solid
RB - Lots of fragility here. Richardson could pay off, but he may have gone a bit early - limits the keeper valueWR - Pretty solid group - He is one good waiver pick up from WR greatness in my mind
Best Keep - Jones in the 8th
Best Pick - Rivers is a steal in the 7th roundWorst Pick - I may eat my words 15 times over for this, but I think Lynch will let him down
Grade - B+



Dammit Jim I'm a Dr: "You may ask yourself , 'Well, how did I get here?' " 


RB - If Gore, Hillis and Smith stay healthy....who am I kidding?WR - Not too shabby if I do say so myself 
Best Keep - CAMALAMADINGDONG Newton
Best Pick - Mike Goodson...oh wait I dropped him. Austin in the 5thWorst Pick - Probably going to be Roddy White. Pat is right - Jones will steal looks. 
Grade - A-



Brady's Bunch: "Love of Tom Brady makes you blind - it's science


RB - Passed on ADP, because of injury concerns, to get Ryan Mathews...hmmmWR - Young guys with lots of big play potential - not as big of a PPR upside as some other teams
Best Keep - Cruz
Best Pick - I am going to go with JenningsWorst Pick - Mathews - Mark it down. 
Grade - B


Time is Yours: "Gumption, Hutzpah, Pizazz - they have something" 


QB - Manning could be Luck-y - badumpbump
RB - A couple tanks in Turner and Hardesty, and a Mazda Miata in McFaddenWR - These guys honestly scare me a little
Best Keep - Seriously, Gronk.
Best Pick - Demaryius in the 6th is going to be goodWorst Pick - Brick Fingers Greg Little
Grade - B


Ron Fucking Swanson: "I'd like to buy stock in Kevlar Chest Protectors for QBs" 


QB - Vick and Cutler - Fragile and Fruity
RB - Yeah definitely the best group in the leagueWR - Again, really solid
Best Keep - Charles without a doubt
Best Pick - I like Holmes in 12Worst Pick - Cinncinati Defense - Playing the Ravens in week 1 - FLACCO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grade - A



As always, I open to the floor to criticisms and comments. I can take it as well as I can dish it. I invite anyone else to do their own grades for comparison...

I want to make a few season odds, and make them official. I am not good at odds though, so if I am writing these wrong, sorry. 1:100000 means unlikely. 2:1 means likely. Get it? Feel free to weigh in on these as well. 

1. First team to leave in an injured player/bye week player/Tiki Barber:
Ron Fucking Swanson 1 in 1000
Time is Yours 1 in 500
Bradys Bunch 1:100
Dammit Jim 1:1000
Buffalo Renaissance 1:200
Cunning Linguists 1:2
SackedBySuggs 1:1000
Arian Brotherhood 2:1
Vinegar Strokes 1:1
Dick Trickle 1:10000000


2. First team to attempt to make a trade:

Ron Fucking Swanson 1000000000000:1
everyone else - irrelevant

3. First team to score 150 points:


Ron Fucking Swanson 1:1
Time is Yours 1:1 
Bradys Bunch 1:2
Dammit Jim 1:1
Buffalo Renaissance 1:2
Cunning Linguists 1:10
SackedBySuggs 1:3
Arian Brotherhood 1:10
Vinegar Strokes 1:10
Dick Trickle 1:10


4. Winner of the League this year:



Ron Fucking Swanson 1:1
Time is Yours 1:3
Bradys Bunch 1:4
Dammit Jim 1:1
Buffalo Renaissance 1:2
Cunning Linguists 1:4
SackedBySuggs 1:3
Arian Brotherhood 1:4
Vinegar Strokes 1:4
Dick Trickle 1:3


And with that I sign off....enjoy FOOTBALL DAY, boys.....



















*Just seeing if you guys are actually reading this











3 comments:

  1. i would like to commend the commish on his blog efforts... although i think he is dead wrong on B. Marshall. Old School Denver connection back in effect.

    ReplyDelete
  2. good call on the 150 points... bam!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am just hoping to maybe break 100 points. This is what happens when I give myself a good draft grade.

    ReplyDelete